Mountain Home

[Christian for Israel]

here's a little story i wrote a couple of years ago. it's not finished but i'm still working on it. PLEASE tell me what you think...reader feedback is more important than most people know. i'll try to post a chapter every few days if i can.

I hereby reserve all copyrights for any works of fiction posted at The 6th Seal under my pseudonym - Christian for Israel

Members may copy for their own personal use.

Any other copying or distribution is expressly prohibited

Christian for Israel


Chapter 1
Jack Mitchell was a thirty-eight year-old recent divorcee, who was considered by most to be rather odd. That was probably fairly accurate. Jack believed in being prepared, something most people thought unnecessary. It was more than an idea to Jack, it was his life. He had spent most of his life, and a considerable amount of his parent's money on getting ready. Ready for what? Well, ready for anything. Jack didn't have a specific event to prepare for, as far as he was concerned, there were many things that could happen. As a result, his preparations covered a broad spectrum.

And now it seemed that Jack had had the last laugh, if anyone could laugh at recent events. No one knew where the plague had come from, but before anyone knew it, it had swept the globe. Now Jack was headed for his shelter home, returning from a trip to visit friends. The plague had come upon the world quickly, and Jack had decided to hunker down where he was, at first just to avoid other people, then later to care for his friends as they caught the bug and eventually died of it. The miracle of it all was that Jack seemed to be immune to it, whatever it was.

Jack was driving his "bug out" vehicle, a 1967 Uni-mog. The 'mog' was an ugly beast of a truck, a 4WD built in Europe as a general purpose farm and utility vehicle. It had a 90 hp 'multi-fuel' diesel engine, power take-off winches front and rear, and 17 inches of clearance underneath. It could just about go anywhere.

Driving home, he had decided from the start to avoid the major roads, and in keeping with his preparedness mindset, had an alternate route all laid out. The route would take him through the Boise national forest for at least half of his journey, which should help him to avoid people problems.

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Chapter 2

A couple of miles into the national forest, Jack noticed something out the window and hit the brakes.


Off to the side of the road sat what appeared to be a young lady. Aware that it could be a trap, he cautiously got out and approached her. The girl, who looked to be about eighteen, appeared to be crying, and her clothes were torn and dirty.


Jack walked slowly up to where the girl could see him and waited for a moment. When the girl noticed him he said “Hi, my name’s Jack, can I help you?”


“ I don’t know if anyone can help me Mr., My name’s Pamela.”


“ Why don’t you think anyone can help you Pamela, what’s happened?”


The girl turned to Jack and cried “Because my parents are dead and I'm all alone."


Jack’s heart went out to this girl, who he would later learn was only 16. “Pamela, calm down. You’re alive, and if you want to come with me, you’ll be safer than you are here. I have food and I'll take care of you."

“You'd take care of me?" the girl asked, looking up. Jack said "sure I will, come on."


Pam stood up and hugged Jack, still sobbing, but beginning to feel safe for the first time in weeks.

Putting his arm around her, Jack led her to the truck.


As they rode along, Jack and the girl began getting to know one another. "So, where were you when the plague started?” Jack asked. "At a campground in Ligget" said Pam. "We were on vacation when my parents got sick.” "Ligget? That’s over twenty miles from here. How did you get all the way over here?”

“I don't know, after they died just I hung around at the campground for a while, until the smell got so bad that I had to get away. Then I just started walking.”

“How long have you been walking?”

"I don't know, a couple of weeks I guess.”

“Well, you don't have to walk anymore" said Jack.

At that the girl looked at him and smiled.

They continued talking as they drove. Jack found out she was from Virginia, and that she was an only child. Her family had been taking the first vacation they'd had in years, driving all over and seeing the country. Jack told her that he had a place in the mountains, more than a hundred miles away, that was stocked with everything they'd need to live for years. All they had to do was get there, which was more difficult now that survivors of the plague were starting to prey on each other.

"How long do you think it'll take to get to your house?” Pam asked.

“Hopefully not more than a couple of days. It all depends on what condition the road is in, and how many people we run into."

As it started getting dark, Jack began looking for a safe place to stop for the night. Seeing a dirt track off to the right, He turned down it and soon found a clearing that wasn't visible from the road. Looking the site over carefully, he determined that it should be safe enough.

"Ok, we should be safe here for the night, come on let's start setting up camp.” He and the girl got out of the truck, and began to clear an area for them to sleep. Jack instructed Pam to clear an area for a fire as he went off to gather enough wood to cook some dinner.

Jack prepared freeze-dried beef stew from his supplies. After they'd eaten, he said to Pam "you can have my sleeping bag, and you can set it up on the other side of the truck. I'll wrap up in some blankets and stay on this side. Before you get into the bag, brush off your clothes. If you don't, the dirt will mess up the bag and it won't keep as you warm.”

Looking at Jack nervously, not wanting to be too far away from him, Pam said she understood. As she moved to the far side of the truck and began to crawl into the bag, Jack grabbed his shotgun from the rack behind the seat and made sure it was loaded with 000 Buck. Assured that he was ready for any trouble that might come, he too got ready for bed.

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Jack awoke with a start at the sound of Pam's scream. As he struggled to wake up and get to his feet, he was aware of a figure standing over the girl, holding some sort of weapon. Instinct took over and he brought up the shotgun, firing it at the figure at point blank range. Instantly the figure dropped. Jack fired twice more into the body, making sure it wouldn't ever get up again. Grabbing his flashlight he saw that the weapon was only a golf club. Looking around, he saw Pam cowering next to the truck, goose bumps starting to rise on her bare arms from the chill night air. Telling her to stay put, he scouted around, assuring himself that there was only the one assailant. Returning to the truck, Jack was hit by an hysterical Pamela. As she clung to him she begged him not to leave her alone again. "Please let me sleep on this side of the truck with you Jack, I don't want to be alone anymore!" she begged. Jack knew there was no way the girl was going to get back to sleep unless he was with her, and said "Ok Pamela, pull the bag over here and we'll bed down together.” The girl did as Jack said, while he dragged the body of their assailant off into the woods.

After dragging the body away from their camp, Jack got under the blankets next to the trembling girl. Pam turned to face Jack and, still shaken up from the attack, asked him to hold her. Jack put his arm around the frightened girl and held her until she fell asleep. Finally, Jack was able to get back to sleep as well.

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Chapter 3

The next morning, Jack woke up, fully aware of the girl lying next to him. As he got up she woke up also, looked up at him, and smiled. "Good morning" she said, in a way that made Jack uncomfortable. Jack mumbled "good morning" and stumbled away to find a tree. When he returned, Pam was up and putting the sleeping bag and blankets away. When she saw him, she went to him and gave him a long hug. Jack hugged her back for a second, and then Pam turned her face up to his and tried to kiss him. Jack immediately let her go and stepped back. "Pam, I don't think that's such a good idea right now.”

“Why Jack, we're all alone and there's no reason not to, it's not like we're likely to find anyone else to be with.”

"I know that Pam, but we've both been through a traumatic situation, and we may not be thinking clearly just yet.” Pam looked hurt, and Jack tried to ease up a bit. "Look Pam, after we get to know each other a little better, maybe things will work out like that, but there's really no rush, right? I mean, we'll likely be together for a very long time, why jump right into this?”

“I guess you're right, Jack.” Pam said, all the time thinking to herself 'I'm not going to give up Jack, I'll get together with you yet.’ Pam backed away and Jack moved off to get breakfast together.

After breakfast, they gathered up their stuff and started off down the road. Pam was thinking about the guy who attacked her, and said to Jack "who do you think that was last night?” Jack looked over at her and said "probably just someone desperate for food. All he had was a golf club, but if I hadn't shot him when I did he'd have hit you with it. He looked to be wearing the remains of a suit, so I'd guess he was some sort of a businessman before the plague.”

Pam thought about that, and then said "well, I’m glad you stopped him when you did Jack, you saved my life.”
Jack looked at her and smiled. "No problem kid, I’m sure you'd do the same for me.”

Pam took exception to being called 'kid'. She realized she had no chance with Jack until he saw her as a woman instead of a child.

They drove the rest of the day, never seeing another soul. Back when the plague had first struck, Jack had heard on the news that as much as 90% of the population of the world was infected. Since everyone who got sick up to that point had died, and it was unlikely that anything had changed since then, it wasn't unusual that they hadn't seen anyone. People were going to be very scarce for a long time to come.

At the end of the day, after finding another place to stay for the night, they set up camp and started getting ready for bed. After they had eaten, Pam crawled into her bag, and Jack got under his blankets, making sure to lie down at least five feet away from the girl. Pam noticed and didn't like it, so she tried the same trick from the night before. "Will you hold me Jack?” He looked at her and said "not tonight Pam, I think we need to relax and keep to ourselves tonight.” She wasn't happy with that, but decided that she'd just have to prove herself to him, so she rolled over and went to sleep as if it didn't matter a bit to her. Jack was surprised at her reaction, and decided that maybe he'd been wrong about her intentions. Feeling easier around her than he had all day, Jack also rolled over and went to sleep.

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[yugoshooter]

VERY VERY GOOD! &#58 Keep up the good work &#58

[DirtPirate]

Looking good...keep em coming! &#58

[Christian for Israel]

Chapter 4

The next morning they got up early, ate, and immediately packed away their gear. Jack said "We should be able to get to my place by tonight if everything keeps going so smoothly, we're only about twenty miles away now.” Pam was happy to hear that, as she was tired of traveling.

They got moving, and by that evening had arrived at Jack's home. At first Pam didn't realize they had arrived, as she didn't see any sign of a house. "Where's your house Jack?" she asked.

"It's under us Pam, I own an old missile silo. I bought it years ago and converted it into a home. It can withstand a direct hit from a nuclear bomb, and I thought it'd make the perfect shelter."

Jack walked over to a concrete pad in front of where he'd parked the truck, and opened a metal cover. After punching in a code the heavy concrete doors that covered the silo started to open. When they had opened all the way, an elevator rose flush with the top, and Jack was able to drive the truck right on to it. After he stopped, Jack pushed what looked like a garage door opener mounted on the dash of the truck, and the elevator started to sink. As they descended to the parking area inside, the doors began to close back over their heads.

Pam was impressed, this was just like something from the movies! When they had stopped, Jack turned off the truck and got out, motioning for her to follow. As soon as the doors had closed completely, the lights went on overhead. Pam guessed that a switch was activated by the closing doors. Now that there was light, she could make out details in the room. Jack told her this was the garage silo, the elevator was part of the original equipment, but, like the doors, had required extensive reworking to get it to function again. He said "this is one of three silos in the complex, it used to hold Titan missiles about 50 years ago. The other two missile silo's have been converted into storage, and don't open anymore. There are also a couple of silo's that were used to house antennas at the other end of the complex, and I converted one of them into the primary entrance." as Pam looked around, she saw that the doors were a good thirty feet above her head. There were two other levels they had passed on the way down, and Jack told her they held other equipment. The room was about forty feet in diameter, and had several levels below this one. Ahead of them was a large opening, and Jack said that it used to hold fuel for the missile, but he had converted into a garage where he could work on the truck. To their right was a smaller opening, and it was through there that Jack was moving.

As they emerged from the side tunnel into the junction, Pam got an idea just how big this place was! The main tunnel seemed to go on forever in both directions. Jack saw her look of wonder, and said "The main passage is about a quarter mile long, and twelve feet in diameter. To the left are the other two missile silos, and to our right is the main house.” As they turned right and began to walk down the passage, Jack said "The entrance to the house is about a hundred and fifty yards down from here. If we kept going down this tunnel we'd eventually get to the two antenna silo's, one of which is the main entrance. The original entrance tunnel was filled with debris and capped when the military closed the base."

Pam was looking around herself in amazement and asked "how many people could this place hold? It’s huge!” Jack replied "well, when it was operational it was supposed to be able to hold a hundred and fifty people for up to thirty days, but that was when it was filled with equipment. Now that most of the equipment is gone, I'd guess you could triple that easily.” Pam was shaking her head when they reached the next junction. Turning right, Jack and Pam walked down the short passage to a door. As Jack opened it, Pam stopped and stared in awe. Jack said " this is the main house, my apartment is on the next level up. I had originally set this place up to house several friends of mine that I knew from the internet, like-minded people that were Christians and preparedness minded as well. Unfortunately, as far as I know, none of them survived the plague, although I'm still hoping some will show up some day.” Pam had closed her mouth by this time, and was able to ask "how big is this place?” Jack looked at her and smiled, saying "well, this used to be the control dome. The dome itself is forty feet high and one hundred feet in diameter. This bottom level is divided into four apartments, and the whole top floor, about sixty feet in diameter, is mine.” By this time they had reached the end of the hall and stopped before an elevator. Jack pushed the button, and the door opened immediately. They both got in, and Jack pushed the button for the upper level.

As the doors opened, Pam looked out onto a conservatively decorated living room. Stepping out she saw that around to her right was a small kitchen area, and to her left was what she decided must be the bedroom. On one side of the living room several couches were arranged in a conversation area. On the other side was a computer station. Against one wall was a large flat screen television. Pam asked about it. Jack said "well, there's no TV signal anymore, of course, but I have an extensive video library. All the TV's and Computer terminals in the complex are networked together, with a central server. Part of that network includes several thousand movies stored in their own server. To access a movie, just use the remote to choose from the selection provided, and hit "play.” Also, since all the terminals are connected, we don't have to be in the same room to play games or talk.” “Cool" Pam said. Jack said " all the apartments have their own terminal, as well as a TV. Speaking of which, we need to get you set up in a place of your own."

Jack led the girl back to the elevator. "There are more apartments in the old power dome, but I think you'd prefer one of the nicer ones on the bottom level of this dome.” Getting off the elevator they went to the first door on the right and entered the apartment. It was nice, also conservatively decorated, and about eighteen hundred square feet in all. Pam was impressed, and said "I could get lost in here.” Jack told her they could eat together at his place, but this was a space she could call her own and get away when she needed to. Pam looked around and thought 'I could do worse...a LOT worse.’ She told Jack that it was perfect, but if he didn't mind, she'd prefer to stay with him when she wasn't sleeping. Jack said he understood, and he also felt the need of companionship strongly right now. Pam thought about something Jack had said, and asked "where is this 'power dome', and how big is it?” Jack told her it was across the main junction from this dome, and was even bigger. It was sixty feet to the top of the dome, and the bottom floor was a hundred and twenty feet across. "It's divided into three floors. There are six apartments on the bottom floor, along with the main dining room and a small control room. Also, the main armory is there and a clinic is in a tunnel just outside the entrance to the dome.” Jack said. "The second floor has eight small apartments, and the top floor has the chapel, along with a recreation area. All in all, we're set up to house about eighteen families, or around a hundred people."

Jack continued "And we have enough food and other supplies to feed that many for a minimum of five years, which means there's enough for the two of us for more than a century. We have two wells that open inside the shelter, all the equipment necessary to keep the air fresh and circulated, and enough stabilized fuel to provide back up power for up to a year if necessary.” Pam asked "where do you get the electricity you're using now? From that back up generator?” Jack responded "no, there's a small private hydro-electric dam about thirty miles from here. It was set up to provide electricity for a manufacturing concern, and I contracted with them for my power. It's not connected to the power grid, and was designed to be as maintenance free as possible. It should keep us in power for the foreseeable future.” “ Wow" Pam said "you have everything covered.” "I sure hope so Pam, I sure hope so.” Jack said.

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Chapter 5
After showing Pam around her new apartment, Jack and the girl returned to his place. Pam wanted to know how he had managed to do all this, so Jack told her the story. "I've always been into preparing Pam, it's sort of a hobby of mine. For instance, I bought and rebuilt that truck we came here in, soon after I got out of high school. It took me more than a year, but I finally had something I'd wanted my whole life, a truck that could go just about anywhere. The first ten years of my life after that time were spent mostly on learning. I was into all kinds of preparedness, from how to survive a Nuclear war, to what to do if the Yellowstone caldera exploded. I joined a couple of internet bulletin boards that were created around the idea of getting ready, and I made a lot of friends that I am still close to today."

"Then, about eight years ago, my parents and sister were killed in a mudslide that collapsed their house in california. It was a freaky kind of thing because it happened without warning, after a fairly light rain. It devastated me, and sent me into a deep depression. I had warned them about the potential for that sort of thing happening where they lived, but they had always thought I was strange for being into this 'survival' stuff anyway, and never listened to any of my warnings. They were what my internet friends referred to as 'sheeple'." At that, pam giggled. "Finally, with help and good advice from my online friends, most of whom are christians and have also had trouble in their lives and could therefore understand what I was going through, I started to work my way out of my depression.

My father had been a businessman, the vice president of a large New York based corporation. He'd made a lot of money in that job, and had made a lot more in the stock market. He set aside trust funds for my sister and myself in an offshore account so the IRS couldn't get to it. Fifty million for each of us, but both came to me because Susan was killed also. I couldn't touch the principle, you understand, but the accounts were earning 16% and the interest now came to me." Pam was awed by the amount of money Jack was talking about. She figured she'd found the right guy to 'get involved' with. Then a thought occurred to her...with the collapse of society, money was worthless. this idea shocked her, and she sat stunned for a moment. Perhaps sensing what she was thinking, Jack said "of course, that's all gone now. But the good news is, what I built with it is still here for us to use." Pam thought about what he said, and realized he was right, and she was truly thankful that he'd found her.

Jack continued his story "I'd always been intrigued with old government installations, the military in particular was always over-building things, and so I got on the 'net and started looking for government surplus properties. That's how I found this place. It wasn't much to look at when I first saw it, but the price was right when you consider what all was included, the complex and ninty acres of land for 1.5 million. Needless to say I bought it, along with an additional two hundred and fifty acres adjoining it." Jack stopped while he got soft drinks from the kitchenette for both of them. "The renovation was where the real fun started. First I had to hire a team to come in and remove all the asbestos and PCB's and stuff, mess the military had left when they abandoned the place. Then we had to drain the bottoms of the silos and put pumps into place to keep the water out as the bottoms and walls were being recovered with waterproof concrete to keep them from flooding again. Finally, we had to rework much of the machinery to get it to function. The military left most of it in place when they left, but age and damp conditions had taken their toll. all in all it took close to three years and more than twenty million dollars to get it to where it is today."

Pam was impressed, she'd had no idea that so much work had been involved. The results certainly looked worth it though, especially considering what had happened in the world lately.

"Mostly we left the complex itself alone, simply refurbishing the interior and reworking what equipment we could salvage" Jack said. "but after the main job was done, I added something I'd always wanted, an underground hangar for my planes." Pam's eyes lit up, "you have an airplane?!" Jack smiled at her. "Actually I have several, I kind of collect small military surplus and experimental aircraft." The girl was even more excited now, she loved to fly. "The hangar isn't built to the standards of this place" Jack said, "but we did the best we could without breaking the bank. We had a hole dug so the hundred by hundred foot steel building I wanted would sit with the roof only a couple of feet below the surface. then we covered the whole thing with eight inches of concrete, and filled the hole in with dirt. it won't support a lot of weight on top, but it hides the planes from view." "But, how do you get the planes up to the top to fly them?" "We built a hydraulic elevator next to the hangar and covered it with metal doors." Jack replied. Pam wanted to go look at the planes right then, but Jack said that it was getting late and they could do it the next day. "We both need to eat right now, then we can bathe and get ready for bed Pam. "Ok" Pam said, "but we WILL go look at the planes tomorrow, right?" Jack assured her that they'd do many things the next day.

After they ate he told the girl to return to her apartment and get cleaned up and in the bed. Pam asked if he would come with her until she got to sleep, but Jack said he had a lot to do up in his place and that he'd see her in the morning. A disappointed Pamela agreed, and left for her own place.

[Christian for Israel]

for reference, here is a map of the area the story is set in. the red star at the top is the location of this silo complex:

[img]http://www.geocities.com/titan_1_missile/images/Mt_Home_AFB_missile_map.gif[/img]

also, here is an artist's drawing of an actual Titan I complex. these are real structures, built by the gvmt and abandoned just a few years later. i stuck as close as possible to real life when i incorporated it in my story. the garage entrance is at the #1 launcher:

[img]http://www.geocities.com/titan_1_missile/images/drawing_underground_silo_complex.jpg[/img]

[Christian for Israel]

Chapter 6

The next morning, Pam was up bright and early. She got dressed and pushed the button on the intercom for Jack's apartment. Jack, who'd been up for about half an hour, told her to come on up. when the girl arrived, Jack said "have a seat Pam, I'll have breakfast ready in a minute. You do like eggs, don't you?" Pam said that she did, and that the food smelled wonderful.

After they'd eaten, Jack said "we have several things we need to do today, the first of which is to get you some clean clothes." Pam's clothes had seen better days. They were torn and dirty, and hadn't been washed in weeks. Jack said "there are a lot of sizes and styles of clothes in storage, why don't we go and find some things you like?"

"sounds great Jack, lead the way."

Most of the clothes in the storage area were made to be durable and long wearing, but Pam was still able to find some things she liked and could wear. After she'd picked out several sets of clothes Jack told her to go get changed, and bring him her old things to dispose of. Returning from her apartment to his, Pam looked like a totally different person. She was on the small size for her age, but even then the jeans and flannel shirt made her look more sure of herself. Jack told her he approved of her new look, making her feel better about herself.

Next, Jack told her that, while she was here, she needed to be armed. He said "we need to find a rifle and pistol you can use in case you have to defend yourself, and teach you to use them." Pam smiled and said to Jack, "I already know how to use guns, my father and cousins used to take me to the range all the time. I even went hunting a couple of times." Jack was impressed. He asked "what kind of rifle did you hunt with?"

"I usually used a .243 for hunting, but I didn't like it too much, it kicked a lot. I was a lot happier with my .22 rifle."

Jack assessed the girl, she stood about 5 feet 2 inches tall, and didn't appear to weigh much more than a hundred pounds. "Well, if a .243 was too much recoil for you, I may have just the thing." going over to a cabinet set in one wall, he reached in and grabbed an M1 carbine. "This doesn't have much recoil at all Pam, but it's still a decent self-defence gun and effective out to a couple hundred yards with the jacketed hollowpoints it's loaded with." As he was showing her the rifle, Pam glanced into the cabinet. "Wow. Let me guess, you collect guns too, huh?" Jack laughed, "I guess you could say that. This is my personal collection, there are others in the armory that were supposed to be used by the group for defense of the complex, if that was ever needed." Pam took the M1, "this is light. You say it doesn't kick?" "No more than a .22." Jack replied. "We can go topside later and you can try it out for yourself. Right now though, I want you to take this belt that goes with it to your apartment. It holds ten fifteen round magazines for the rifle. Put it somewhere where you can find it quickly, but it doesn't have to be out in the open." Pam grabbed the belt and went to the elevator. "After you put that away, come back up here and we'll get you a pistol and then go upstairs and let you try them both out." "Ok Jack," she said.

When she returned, she saw that Jack was putting some things into a green duffle bag. Jack turned and handed her a small black automatic. "this is a Walther PPK, it shoots a .380 acp, kind of a short 9mm. It doesn't kick too much, and is light weight and easy to use." The girl took the small pistol. "I've never shot a pistol before Jack, just rifles." "that's ok, I'll show you everything you need to know. The important thing to remember is, a pistol is only for fighting your way to your rifle, that's your real combat weapon. If it's in any way possible, only use your rifle to fight with."

"How am I supposed to carry it?" she asked.

"I'll get one of the shoulder holsters from the armory for you to wear. After we get you set up, I'd like you to have the pistol on you at all times, and keep the rifle available in your room."

When they had her outfitted, they went down to the main entrance. Pam saw that they were going through one of two doors. "What's behind the other door?"

"That's the other antenna silo. there were two that were used to launch the missiles. I've converted that area into an emergency wash down room now, it would have been used if there was a nuclear war and people needed to wash off fallout before they entered the main shelter." As they passed through the door, Pam saw that another elevator, like the one Jack parked the truck on, was waiting for them. As she stepped aboard, Jack pushed a button and the overhead doors began to swing upwards, causing the lights to go off as well. "Why do the lights go off when the doors are open?" Pam asked. "In different circumstances, different defenses are needed." Jack replied. "If there was a war going on, possibly even one with our own government, we might not want to be seen by the outside world. If the lights stayed on as the door was opened, they could give us away. it's a small detail that could have saved all our lives." She nodded her head in understanding.

Arriving at the surface, Jack walked a few feet away from the elevator, stopped and took a small folding canvas table out of his bag. After setting it up he put the bag down on it, and removed a couple of empty soda cans. He quickly stepped off seven paces, set up the cans a few feet apart and returned to the table. He went over the basic rules of gun safety with Pam, then handed her the pistol, after removing the magazine and clearing the chamber. After showing her how to manipulate the controls, he asked her to point it at one of the cans and gently pull the trigger a few times. When she was comfortable with the pistol, Jack explained that, after the first shot, it would be cocked, and let her try dry firing it with the hammer back. Pam said she felt comfortable with the gun, so Jack gave her some ear plugs and put his in as well. Then, handing her the loaded magazine, he told her to load the pistol, chamber a round, and try to shoot the can.

Pam's first shot went into the ground about half way between them and the cans. Jask said "relax Pam, take a deep breath and pretend the gun is still empty." Pam did as she was told, and fired again, kicking up dirt less than a foot from the can. "Good!" Jack said, "keep going." She was happy with Jack's praise, and kept shooting, eventually hitting the can. Jack was smiling at her, and said "you did great!" He handed her another magazine from the bag and told her to keep practicing. Stepping a few feet to the side, he drew his own gun, a Colt Python, and proceeded to put all six rounds into the other can. When Pam saw how good he was, she was determined to practice until she was just as good. Which was Jack's intention when he started shooting.

After they'd spent about an hour with the pistols, Jack told her to load the Walther and put it away in her shoulder holster, and to wear it from now on. He said she could practice whenever she wanted, but he wanted her to get in at least an hour a day for the next week. Grinning from ear to ear, Pam said that was no problem, shooting the little gun was fun! Reaching into the bag, Jack pulled out and assembled a small metal frame. He attached a target to it, and then paced off a hundred yards and stuck it into the ground, before returning. Jack went over the controls of the carbine next, showing the girl how to change magazines, and how to charge and clear it. Next, he loaded the rifle and handed it to Pam, asking her to show him how good she was. Pam took the gun and, after a few practice shots to get used to it, proceeded to put ten rounds into the middle of the target. Needless to say, Jack was impressed, 'this girl was pretty good!' He said "Wow, you DO know how to use a rifle. consider it yours from now on." Pam was thrilled, she liked the little gun. The recoil was no worse than her .22, and it wasn't even that loud, at least, not like that .243.

They continued to shoot for a couple more hours, when Jack said they needed to go back below and get something to eat. Packing up all their stuff, Pam said "thanks Jack, that was the most fun I've had in a long time." Smiling, Jack said "well, feel free to come up here whenever you like, just let me know first so I don't panic when I can't find you." Having finished cleaning up, they got back on the elevator and went back inside.

[Christian for Israel]

come on folks, constructive criticism is appreciated. without feedback i won't know if i should even continue posting this.

[yugoshooter]

We want more! &#58

[DocOutlands]

Personally, if I had a Titan complex (hehe, no pun intended) and 340 acres, there would be a *permanent* range laid out topside - even if it were nothing more than my current archery range - a target frame and then T-posts marking the various range lines. And, if I had his kind of resources, there would be a 1,000yd-line, because I would have a thing or three in the armory that would NEED that much space to "run" properly.

Ah, but this is critique of character decisions, not of the story-writing itself. So far, the main thing I see is that you tend to jump between character-thoughts too quickly. The way I was taught in my creative-writing classes was to pick one character and stick with their pov for the whole chapter. It is the equivalent of a "jump-cut" in film editing - too abrupt a shift is jarring.


(I know, I know - yer thinking "Michael is all talk and no action!" Reckon I'll have to dust off and dress up some of my stuff and maybe finish out a project..&#46

[Christian for Israel]

actually, i truely appreciate the comments doc...i actually wrote this a few years ago (but got stuck and am still trying to figure out how to finish it). as i re-read it now i see many mistakes. please, keep letting me know where i can imporve...and if anyone would like to try their hand at rewriting it, let me know.

i quite agree about the range also. the thing is, jack's not me. he has many irons in the fire. while he's into guns he's not the range animal i am. :lol:

ok yugo, here's the next chapter...hope you enjoy. :lol: